Moments after giving birth a mother laughs hysterically at her husband who just fainted at the sight of their newborn son, 1986

Moments after giving birth a mother laughs hysterically at her husband who just fainted at the sight of their newborn son, 1986

Moments after giving birth a mother laughs hysterically at her husband who just fainted at the sight of their newborn son, 1986

Moments after giving birth a mother laughs hysterically at her husband who just fainted at the sight of their newborn son, 1986

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  1. My daughter was born with a last-minute emergency c-section after the umbilical cord came pushing past her head.

    We were in a birthing room when I saw this, and then I saw the very troubled look on the doctor’s face.

    “We’ve gotta get her to the ER,” he said calmly. When the nurse didn’t react immediately, the calm disappeared.

    “Hurry. Fast. NOW!” Then the nurse slapped a button the wall, an alarm went off, and all hell broke loose. Three more nurses came rushing in, nearly breaking the doors, and started jerking hoses out of the wall. Then they started pushing the bed. The doctor shoved me away, then yelled “Follow me!” and went running toward the ER.

    I did as I was told. At the ER entrance, he frantically started scrubbing up and directed me to do the same. “Stay behind the curtain, and you’ll be fine.”

    In the ER, they had a small curtain over my wife’s neck so she couldn’t see what was going on. Boy, did I stay behind it.

    After a minute or two that seemed to last forever, he said, “I’ve got a shoulder” and then pulled back, and my daughter was sitting up, still partially inside my wife, and started crying.

    All I could think of was “Jesus Christ. Alien.”

    Everybody was okay. After it was over, the doctor said, “When that happens, we’ve got ten minutes.”

  2. So for my first kid my wife had a planned c-section. My kid had a HEAD and geometry was working against us.

    At any rate there wasn’t much prep and I was sitting next to bucket that was hooked up to suction. As they started little bits of blood and some fluid started to collect but the they hit the mother-load and 7 inches of blood shot into the collection bucket in like a second. I almost shit myself and turned white as a ghost. I didn’t faint but the nurse had to steady me and take the picture of my kid.

    Absolutely jarring.

    Also seeing your wife’s innards just chilling next to her is horror movie shit. It was a lot.

    The second was okay because I was prepared but the first one changed my world view.

    EDIT: For clarification the HEAD was emphasized to denote the kids head was huge. Like 95th percentile huge. My wife referred to it as vagina wrecker huge. So yes it was good that the kid had a head just the size meant that it wasn’t gonna come out easily.

  3. My wife says one of the images of the birth of our daughter most stuck in her head was when my wife was well into labor, and the doctor was doing some stuff or whatever (The birth had a lot of very minor, routine complications) to the baby tunnel, she saw me, with my hair net, standing over the doc’s shoulder, watching what she was doing to my wife’s lady bits, with a can of pringles, munching away.

    Now sour cream and onion pringles are our primary inside joke.

    Yeah turns out that sort of stuff doesn’t gross me out. It’s interesting.

  4. I was holding my sisters leg while she gave birth and LET ME TELL YOU my knees gave out at least three times and I almost fainted twice. Meanwhile my little sister is screaming “GET THIS THING OUT OF ME” at the top of her lungs. Giving birth is insanely amazing and incredibly disgusting all at once.

  5. I was 95% to fainting with the birth of my child. A chair was even behind me to fall into. The large female Eastern European nurse told me “no, do not faint, your job is easy”. I did not faint.

  6. I almost fainted when my son was being born. I was so anxious and nervous I didnt realize I wasnt breathing and by the time I caught it I was getting black spots

  7. I was in the middle of labor when my sister fainted in the funniest way had ever seen and I remember thinking, I can’t wait to have this baby so I can tell someone about this.

    She looked like a scarecrow that was slowly sinking to the side. Her arms were out but one was higher then the other, I guess in a final try to stop herself from falling. The part that was the funniest is that her head was leaning on my cousin side who was standing next to her and she was saying over and over “Imgonnapassout,Imgonnapassout” really fast but no one but me was facing her. I was trying to tell everyone that she was passing out but was going through a really bad contraction so I could only make this weird moan/grunt sound and everyone including my cousin who had my sisters face planted in her side was just asking me what I was trying to say and leaning forward. I finally got a good breathe and said “GET (sister’s name)!” And everyone looked at her finally. My husband jumped from sitting on the bed holding my hand to the end of the bed and grabbed my sister in one impressive leap and carried her like a sack of potatoes to the nearest glider. It is still one of my favorite stories to think about.

  8. In his defense…childbirth is *fucking horrifyingly disgusting*.

    You’ll fart poop pee and scream all in front of ten complete strangers all of whom are staring intently at your vagina which by the way has an 80 per cent chance of tearing

  9. My son was crowning an my ex-wife’s best friend is holding a mirror so she can see our son being born. Then the ex starts asking her to tilt it so she can see, we all look at her friend who is now falling backwards in a swoon, so I had to catch her. Baby comes sliding out with the cord looped around his neck once and as the dr is puling on the umbilical cord and struggling with our slippery, yelling progeny, I slip an unsterile finger under his chin and flop the cord on over, figuring “that thing is going to fall off soon anyway.” Dr and nurse give me a look, then a shrug, then get back to it. Kid is fine (fast forward 29 years and now he is a nurse).

    I knew childbirth would be stressful, I had no idea it would require so much split second manual dexterity from me.

  10. My father fainted three times during my mother’s pregnancy. The first time was in a diner when my mother told him I was pregnant, the second was during the sonogram, the third time was when the doctor told my mother that they had to immediately do a c-sections. That last one my mom to this day bring up “I remember the doctor said you had to come out and then your father turned white and his dumb ass feel right on the floor. Me I’m the one who has to get cut open from here to here and he’s the one who’s being attended to by doctors and nurses while my IV is half in.”

  11. When my daughter was born I was ready. I watched all the videos. I knew what was going to happen.

    Life, has other plans. No natural birth, she needed a C-section. Ok… Not as planned but whatever. Get me suited up and let me at this.

    So my wife is on this Jesus Gurney (she is strapped down with her arms out) and there is a sheet covering the operation area. I am curious and look over.


    Her intestines are in a silver tray and the surgeon is yanking at some tissue like it’s Texan gold.

    Vision tunnel.

    Stomach in mouth.

    Pale as a sheet and I drop on my seat. Nurses rush towards me calming me down.

    My wife is giving birth with 2 nurses and a surgeon. I am freaking out with 3 nurses and a doctor.

    I am not worthy.

  12. The very first thing this little human got to experience and hear, was a room full of genuine laughter 💗 You couldn’t ask for a better way to start off life. Amazing.

    It would be impossible to measure, but what if that had any sort of effect over his brain? What if his natural levels of happiness were increased by this incredible first moment in the world?? The same way that a mother’s stress can have a negative impact when she’s pregnant. Crazy to wonder about.

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